The Season of the Ex

I don't know what it is. Maybe you get into a new relationship and you are sending positive waves into the universe. Or maybe you are just in a good space in your life away from drama and stupidity. Or you could just be happy in your singleness - then it happens. The season of the ex begins. Exes start falling out the sky giving you that "hey, what's up?" call like they just called you 2 days ago and you haven't spoken for weeks, months even. Well, I am sure that if they are popping up on me, then they are surely popping up on you. Some thoughts about dealing with this weird period:

> When they call always remember - you DON'T have to talk to them if you really don't want to.

> If you choose to talk, don't allow yourself to get dragged into the past or don't throw yourself there yourself. You are not involved with this person anymore and if you want to be again, starting at the past bad ending spot is a bad idea.

> If you are in good space, have a chat. That is all it is - a general "hi, how are you doing" chat. It doesn't have to be more than that.

> If you aren't ready to go back there, then don't. Have a chat and let it go. No one is obligating you to speak again.

> Smile and move on. It is sometimes nice to know you are in a better space and the person in the past is just that, someone in the past. Keep your footing and keep walking!

Getting What You Deserve

I wouldn't think that I would have to write a note about women in their 30s not getting what they want. This is the time that most women feel empowered, have financial and emotional control over their lives and love just being themselves. I have spoken to a number of women who feel low self-worth and unhappiness just because they don't have a special man in their lives. The first question I ask is who they are dating? A lot of times, they are not dating up to their level. Now don't get feisty - when I say level I mean dating people who like what they like, can do things that they like to do and overall they don't feel they have settled for this person. The more women believe the hype about no good men being available, the more they tend to settle. I have even found myself in that place before because of a nasty comment that a man has made or feeling like a certain type of guy wouldn't want me. You get out what you put out. This applies to both men and women. If you think you don't deserve better, you won't get better. If you think he/she is not out there, then he/she probably won't be looking for you. Up your standards, ignore the riff-raff and see what comes your way.

Run from the Exes

I have a fun male friend named Dave. Dave and I have been friends for years and as a good friend he can always say something that strikes a chord. I told him that a couple of my exes had recently looked me up as they tend to do from time to time. Revisting with an ex always brings up old baggage, old feelings and just the feeling that you are getting older and really over it. Dave is so funny. He said that the exes are never far away at anytime. He said I could just go outside and scream "Exes!!!!" and they would come running out the wordwork. It is a funny image.

The more exciting thought is thinking about why they are exes. I am not an advocate of dwelling, but I do feel it is important to reflect. Exes represent who you were at a period of time. They can also show you how you have grown, gotten past things that don't work for you, or just how you have embraced the beauty of moving on. Don't get me wrong - I am not saying that an ex doesn't have a place in your future. If it is right, then he or she isn't an ex anymore. Then he or she moves to the "rekindled" placement. That is again if it is right. I will repeat. I, on the other hand, tend to not go back because I like to learn my lessons and move on. For me, the past needs to remain the past since I like to keep walking toward the future. But getting with a friend like Dave with an old photo album can always make you feel good about where you have been.

Why Don't You Get Out?

Why don't you get out of the house that is. I just took at look at the latest poll about how often you get out to meet people. 38% of you said once a month. Yikes - you mean to tell me that you only put the effort out once a month? That's like on the same schedule as getting your eyebrows done! You have to make the time. I will show you how much I know what I am talking about: I encouraged one of my really close friends to get out of the house on a Friday night. She continuously would complain about how good men don't exist, how much it is a hassle to meet people, blah, blah, blah - but again, wouldn't get out the house. Finally, my ranting about this got to her and, yes, she got out of the house and met someone. They still are together. Go figure. Try it for yourself - you may like it.

Are You Getting What You Want?

It is a good question really. I have to ask myself that quite a bit. Am I getting what I want out of life? Am I getting what I want out of my relationship? Am I getting what I want when I eat something off my diet plan? The answers usually range from - yes to um, err, no. Now the next question is to ask: well then what the hell are you going to do about it? I speak to a lot of people regarding who they are not meeting, what they are not getting and what they wish would happen. And in the meantime, life just continues to pass on by. The only person who can change the answer is you. Not your mom. Not your best friend. Not your significant other. You. That can even be more frustrating because now you have to put something else on your list of things to do. But here is the fun thing. Only good things can come when you do something to move closer to getting your desires fulfilled.

Single's V-Day Survival Guide

A Tip Guide for Singles on V-Day


So now V-Day is on our heels and you don't have a date. You know you are going to be surrounded by ooey-gooey love messages, heart-shaped, really hard candy and your coworker bragging about all of the great things that her husband/boyfriend/baby's daddy is going to do for her. Guys - don't think you are left out here. There will be some bragging from a male's perspective too. Your buddy is going to gloat about how he bought his girl a 40K carat ring and how much she thinks he is the big daddy of them all. Even if this may not be true, they are going to make us believe that it is!

Okay - I can't help you to not get cornered at the office or on the phone with these people, but I can help you make it through.

Tip # 1

Get out of the house! I know I keep saying it, but that is where most of the reinforcement of these messages from these people keep reverberating in your head. You have to combat these thoughts of you not being one of the lucky ones. Call some friends, get a few singles to join you on your singles night out. Seriously, call them now - before they lie to you and tell you they have something to do when they really have a date with Ben&Jerry.

Tip # 2

Look up the happenings in your area. You will be surprised to find that there is probably a singles group event or singles mixer happening on V-Day. They are not lonely hearts club events either. A lot of times have great music, really good drinks and great atmosphere to mingle. Come prepared to talk, mix it up and pass out your card. You are definitely going to meet some fun people. If all else fails you can go out somewhere else with these anti-lonely party people.


Tip # 3

Just gotta have a date? Well you can. There are many people looking just for that so they don't have to sit at home alone. Look on your local community posting board such as craigslist.com for people who are asking just for that. If you are adventurous, you can meet someone new on V-Day and potentially even have fun. Also, you can look up the singles networking groups to see if they have a coed activity - 6 men, 6 women cooking together or having a movie night. If you don't know of any in your hood - google "singles events" and be amazed at what comes up.

Tip # 4

Just be the party person. Bars and music clubs are the best on V-Day. There are singles out looking for you and having a good time. Get a friend in tow, or better yet, don't wait for anyone and go to the hottest place in your area. Dress up, look your best and radiate fun, positive energy. You are out having fun. You are out meeting people. You are not alone - just single for now. No one is going to think you are desperate if you don't.

Tip # 5

Try something new. Go to a speed dating event. You can't tell me that there aren't any because I have already looked them up. These events are usually set up for you to meet multiple people with a built in mixer or party. It's all about having fun and meeting someone new. You can also meet other singles who will bring you into their circle so now you can have some more single friends to go out with or find out where the latest single fun action is.


Whether you are meeting Mr. Right, Mrs. Right or Mr. Right Now, the whole idea of this day is to celebrate love and have fun. Remember love is not just contained to having a significant other.

This is not the time to wallow in your own self-pity. Remember, the one person we have to deal with from a bad realtionship is us, so instead of beating yourself up more, turn a new leaf today. Vow that you are going to get past this day having fun and not worrying about the past. Hey, it only takes an instant for things to change, but it is like Lotto - you gotta be in it to win it!

Have you started?

Tip # 3 Get on your plan - seriously. I have been doing a lot of radio inteviews and the question keeps coming up- "Can you really get a man by Valentine's Day?" The answer is yes. It depends entirely on what you are looking for. If you just want to be posted up with someone, that is possible. You can literally go to the gas station and met someone there pumping gas too. If you want to meet someone that you can take more seriously, then you may have to put a little more effort into it. This guy is not going to fall out of the sky. Take a moment and google a new dating site. Take a moment and browse the selection and - can you venture - yes, send an email. I am telling you ladies, the sooner you put the ball in motion, the better. V-Day will be here before you know it and many of you will be angry. Don't wait that long and get the ball rolling!